How to Determine Your Exposure to Verbal Abuse?

Answer the following questions with “yes” or “no,” then read the section that follows to determine the level of verbal abuse that you’ve experienced.

1. Have you been told to deny or to minimize your emotions (for example, “don’t cry,” “keep a stiff upper lip,” “stop getting worked up over nothing,” “don’t get so bent out of shape,” and “take it easy”)?
2. Were you told how wonderful you were in one breath and then in the next breath how horrible you are?
3. Did someone take the wind out of your sails or diminish what you say (such as, “you’ll never be able to do that,” “who do you think you are?”, or “that’s the stupidest idea I ever heard”)?
4. Have you been contradicted whenever you say something, even though you know you are correct and have the data or the evidence to prove it?
5. Were you teased in a vicious manner, with the teaser not letting up no matter how upset you got?
6. Did you feel that someone was sadistic by secretly getting satisfaction out of seeing you emotionally hurt or upset?
7. Were you constantly threatened, or did someone hold over your head something that you were sensitive about?
8. Were you ridiculed after you told someone an intimate secret? Did that person tease you about it and constantly throw it back in your face when you least expected it?
9. Did he share your confidence with others after you said not to tell anyone else?
10. Did he speak to you in hostile, harsh, or angry tones?
11. Did she look away when you spoke or when she spoke to you?
12. Did she move away from you when you tried to speak to her?
13. Did he withhold information or neglect to give you vital information?
14. Did he always try to have a “leg up” and try to top anything you told him? Did you feel that he was always trying to compete with you?
15. Did she make you feel wrong, contradict you, or attempt to belittle or dismiss what you had to say in front of others?
16. Did she say something awful or shocking to you and then follow her comment by “I was only kidding?”
17. Did he seem to always accuse you or blame you by making statements beginning with “you never…,” “you always…,” “it’s your fault that…,” “you’d better…,” or “why don’t you ever…?”
18. Does she always try to instigate a fight?
19. Does she curse at you or use profanity?
20. Does he always seem to pick on you, telling you how bad you are and what you did wrong, rarely telling you what you ever did right?
21. Does he call you pejorative names or nicknames that he knows you don’t like?
22. Does she constantly bring up something bad that happened in your past or a mistake you made, and never let you forget it?
23. Does she order you around, constantly making demands instead of making requests when she speaks to you?
24. Does he speak so softly that you can’t hear him, even though you have heard him speak up when he wants to?
25. Does he bellow out loud and deafening tones when he speaks to you, but not when he speaks to others?
26. Is she always in a hurry or having to go whenever you want to talk with her?
27. Does she answer questions with a question, never giving you a direct answer?
28. Was getting him to talk like pulling teeth? Did he usually give one-word responses to your questions like “yep” or “nope?”
29. Does she say things to make you feel guilty?
30. Does she constantly belittle you or embarrass you in front of others?
31. Does he ignore, dismiss, or reject what you say?