How to Touch Other Person?

Ashley Montagu and other researchers and scholars have found that we humans need to be touched to adequately survive in the world. In light of sexual harassment suits these days, however, people must be careful about whom they touch, how they touch, and where they touch someone. A seemingly innocent touch may land you in a courtroom. Sexual harassment suits aside, touching another person is a positive gesture—it shows
others that you have bonded or connected with them.
Although some people (most likely those who suffer from some type of psychological disturbance) shun being touched and touching others, research shows that most people enjoy touching and being touched, and they react better to those who touch them than to those who don’t.
Touching can break down barriers between people, especially if tension exists. Here are some rules to follow when touching someone.

1. Never touch anyone who appears by his facial and body language cues not to welcome your touch.
2. Pay attention to how often you touch someone. Touching a person too much is as disturbing to that person as not touching at all. Once again, monitor facial expressions to determine if your touching is becoming annoying to the other person.
3. In business situations, touch people only at the level of the shoulders—never below the shoulders or lower back.
4. In social or personal situations, feel free to touch a person’s face, arms, waist, and wherever else you both agree is acceptable.

How to Shake Hands?

You can tell a great deal about people by how they shake your hand. In addition, your handshake can reveal your true feelings about the other person. The looser and less firm your handshake, the more you will be perceived as weak, timid, or tentative. All too many men, especially large men, use a soft and wimpy handshake in an attempt to minimize themselves and not appear so threatening. The other extreme, a handshake that is too strong or tight, might express the attempt to dominate in the interaction and compete for control.
On the other hand (no pun intended), a firm handshake, lasting about three seconds, indicates self-confidence, especially when you meet a person for the very first time. In order to shake hands with self-assurance, follow these steps:

1. Be the first one to extend your hand. Do so enthusiastically.
2. Clasp the others person's palm firmly with your palm so that both of your palms are touching one another.
3. Look directly at the person's face using the “face contact” approach discussed later in this chapter.
4. Give their hand about three firm shakes.
5. Then release your grip.

If you really like the person, especially after you meet and get to know one another, you can convey positive feelings toward the other person by using the “cupping shake.” For this handshake, cup the other person's hand in both your hands, while placing your left hand over your right hand.

Hands Up!

To maintain some control over your gestures, be conscious of your gesturing, and do so only to emphasize key points or ideas. In doing this, it is important to make definite and deliberate hand movements. When you speak, keep your hands in your lap or relaxed at your sides, with your fingers relaxed. Doing this tends to relax the rest of your body.
Of course, this doesn't mean you should sit totally motionless. But the motions you do use should be relaxed.
When you use both your hands and arms in a more fluid and open fashion, you are perceived as being warmer and more approachable.
If you notice that you are using your hands too frequently when you speak, try to be mindful and stop or reduce your hand movements. Being conscious of doing something to excess can often help you modify that behavior.
If you still don't know what to do with your hands, adopt the hand posture of the royals, who tend to keep their hands clasped in back of them when they stand or walk. Doing this often suggests to others a sense of security, control, and self-assuredness.

Up in Arms!

Your arms should hang at your sides in a relaxed fashion. Although arm and hand gestures are essential for helping you emphasize thoughts or ideas, too much movement can be distracting: arms flapping like a chicken's wings and fidgeting with your hands and fingers tend to diminish your total image. People perceive you according to the way you comport yourself. Thus, if you move your arms excessively and this isn't typical for your culture, you may be perceived as being anxious, uncomfortable, or even angry or out of control.

Uptight? Lighten Up!

A rigid body posture signifies that a person is uptight, frightened, uncomfortable, nervous, or inflexible. Under certain circumstances, individuals need to be inflexible and follow a rigid code of behavior. But while the order “head up, shoulders back, chest out” works well if you are in the military, it doesn't work in real-life circumstances.
Even when you stand up straight with your shoulders back, you need to maintain a relaxed demeanor. The following shoulder roll exercise is designed to help you release tension in your shoulder region and arms.

1. First, rotate the right shoulder forward, and keep it in that position for approximately three seconds.
2. Keeping your right shoulder in that position, rotate the left shoulder forward for three seconds.
3. Now that both of your shoulders are forward, keep them in this position for about three seconds. Feel the muscles stretch as you maintain this position. It should feel good.
4. Next, rotate the left shoulder back and keep it in that position for three seconds.
5. Likewise, rotate the right shoulder back, keeping it in that position for three seconds.
6. Now that both shoulders are back, leave them there for three seconds, all the while feeling the stretch. This too, should feel good.
7. Rotate both shoulders forward and both shoulders backwards. Try not to rotate them too far back, and relax them.

Now your shoulders are in the proper position to help you maintain a good posture.

Sit Up!

Just as it is important to stand properly, it is equally important to sit in a way that exudes self-confidence. The
way you sit in a chair speaks volumes about you, whether you realize it or not. Here are the steps you should
follow to make sure this happens.

1. Stand directly in front of your chair.
2. Let your calves touch the seat of the chair.
3. Bend over, placing your buttocks all the way back in the chair.
4. Sit and lean your back against the back of the chair. By placing your buttocks all the way back in the chair first, your spine will straighten out automatically as it rests against the back of the chair. Doing this also prevents you from slouching.
5. Roll your shoulders back and relax your arms, either resting them on the arms of the chair or placing your hands in your lap.
6. Keep your head up. Visualize a string holding up the crown of your head, just as you did while you were standing. Once again, this keeps your eyes focused at the eye level of the person opposite you.
7. If you feel yourself retreating to your old slouching ways, just remember to push your buttocks all the way

back in the chair. Lean against the back of the chair and remember to keep the crown of your head

Walk Up!

The way you walk is a vital component of the way you comport yourself. Some have angry, aggressive that scream “Here I am” or “Get out of my way.” Others walk in a way that says “Just ignore me” or “I'm not important.” Some people have a happy bounce, skip, or gallop in their gait, while others seem to shuffle, waddle, and drag themselves along. The only walk that screams “C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E” consists of the following steps.

1. Begin with an erect posture, head up, shoulders back, and spine straight.
2. Place one foot directly in front of the other at a comfortable distance so that you have a smooth and even stride. Even though this may seem obvious and elementary to you, you would be surprised at how many people don't do this and end up waddling, shuffling, or slinking along.
3. Walk at an even and steady pace—not too fast and not too slowly.
4. Finally, let your arms move freely and swing naturally as you walk.

Heads Up!

Part of attaining a confident posture requires the correct positioning of the head and neck. Pretend that there is a cord or rope softly pulling up the crown of your head. This will automatically allow your eyes to be positioned properly as you gaze at another person at “eye level.” It prevents you from protruding your jaw or sticking your neck out. Most of all, it keeps you from bowing your head or from looking down when speaking to someone.

Straighten Up and Back Up!

Next, start at the base of your spine and visualize yourself straightening each vertebrae so that you have a straight and aligned spine. As you visualize your new correct spinal posture, slightly tighten the small muscles going from your lower back towards your upper back. When doing so, you will notice that there is a forward shifting of your upper back that will begin from the middle of your back, around your waist area. This too might seem awkward at first, but as you practice this spinal position, you will feel less pressure in the muscles in your upper and lower back region because your spine will be in better alignment.

Bottoms Up!

Tighten the muscles in your buttocks (your gluteus maximus muscles) by contracting or squeezing your muscles, thus applying pressure to your buttocks. At first this might feel awkward, but eventually you will become used to it and over time, you will begin to feel comfortable. As you exercise and strengthen these muscles, you will have a solid foundation on which to support your erect spine and newfound confident posture.

Stand Up Straight, Without a Leg Up!

Stand up straight with your feet spread apart, parallel to your shoulders. Place both feet firmly on the ground so that your weight is distributed evenly on all parts of your feet. This takes pressure off your toes and the sides and balls of your feet. In essence, you are firmly standing on the soles of your feet. Don't shift your weight
from leg to leg or shift your weight to only one leg. This throws you off and makes you feel insecure. You want a “leg up” on your verbally toxic opponent, but don't take this statement literally.
Unless you're flamingo living in Miami, never stand on one leg. You'd be surprised at how many public speakers do this when they are behind a podium. They put their weight on one leg while holding onto the podium—and they wonder why they don't feel as confident when they are speaking in front of an audience!