Gentle-Toned Name Repetition

In his bible of the times, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie mentions that the sound of a person’s name is the sweetest music to her ears. Why? It’s the same as what was said earlier in this blog— people love to talk about their favorite subject, themselves. Softly saying people’s names over and over in a loving tone certainly gets their attention, especially if they are in a rage. It helps to calm them down. Your control over the situation allows them to get in control of themselves. It disarms them. They can’t help but stop and listen. Instead of being seen as the verbal battering ram, you become a warm, soft verbal cushion, making yourself “user-friendly” to them. By the way, this is a standard technique mental health care professionals use in their attempts to gain some control with autistic children.

Love ‘Em Up Strategy

“A pat on the back is just a few vertebrae from a kick in the pants.”
Anyone who has to resort to spitting out verbal venom usually lacks the basic element for survival—love.
Those who lack enough love and support from others usually become insecure, jealous, and angry, and they don’t really feel good about themselves. Deep down, they really want to reach out but can’t, so they go the other direction and act hateful and spiteful. This behavior is, of course, due to their inner rage of not feeling loved enough.
If you look at them in this vein, you won’t have as many bad feelings towards them. They really need to be pitied more than hated. They need more compassion than aggression.
Therefore, instead of being angry at them you actually need to diffuse their anger with love and kindness. This is a Herculean task for anyone who has been verbally shot, maimed, and blown to bits. If you find you just can’t do it, not to worry. This is just one tool of many in your arsenal of verbal defense weapons.
If you think of the common phrase “kill them with kindness,” you might feel a lot better about employing this strategy more often.
Below are six sub-strategies of the Love ‘Em Up Strategy for verbal defense. Try them! They are actually fun to do and very empowering.

“The Joke’s on You”—Funny Bone Strategy

Another sure-fire way to throw your verbal enemy off-kilter is to make fun of either him or yourself. Sometimes it’s difficult for you to come up with something funny, especially after the other person says something that almost leaves you crying, not laughing. Once again, take that lifesaving sip of air in through your mouth for two seconds. Hold it for two seconds, and then start rolling with some humor. The four seconds buys you some time to think of a joke.
It’s best to make a joke related to something negative the person said to you. By retorting in a positive and humorous vein, you gain the upper hand and control over the situation. On the other hand, you can add insult to insult. This will definitely throw him for a loop! He may think he “gotcha” with his zing when in reality, you “gotcha” self with an even better zing!
The key here is to say something even more outrageous than he did. Another humorous technique is to fight fire with fire. He zinged you—zing him back! He says you need to lose weight; you say he does too. Chances are, this insensitive clod isn’t exactly Baywatch material either, right?
Tell him that. Now his big mouth must weigh a ton.
Using this strategy, it doesn’t matter what you say, as long as you say something that’s funny to you.
Later on in the book you learn how to use some snappy comebacks that apply to specific verbally noxious people in specific situations.