Initiating a Confident Conversation.

Coolness aside, here are some things not to do when initiating a conversation. Otherwise your conversation will
end before it begins.

• Don’t tell lame jokes or a joke where there is a 50 percent chance people won’t like it.
• Don’t excessively fawn over the person.
• Don’t make sarcastic comments or cutting remarks in an attempt to appear cute. There’s nothing cute about being obnoxious.
• Don’t lie to give someone a compliment, and don’t use a standard line they’ve probably heard a thousand times before.

Instead, here are some icebreakers guaranteed to help you initiate conversation.

• Give people a sincere compliment without fawning over them.
• Bring up a current news event (the juicier the better!).
• Speak positively about people whom you both may know.
• Tell people you observed them and thought that they

1. Resemble a friend, relative, or famous person.
2. Look like they are from ____ (This can be whatever you decide. Just don’t say Mars or make a lame comment.)
3. Work out or are in good shape. Ask if they are athletic.

Only a Fool Plays It Cool!

There are those who think they are being cool by acting aloof. Even if they are chomping at the bit or drooling at the mouth and would give almost anything just to meet the person across the room, they don’t. It’s not because they are shy and intimidated, it is because they are trying to act “cool.” This coolness takes the form of not looking at people or returning their glance or smile. It’s looking down or pretending to be very animated in conversation with someone else. It’s designed to let someone know that you are cool—a catch—albeit difficult to catch. Acting cool is quite common among young people in their teens and twenties, but it often continues into adulthood. It’s a power game that establishes who’s going to be in control. Just remember, the people who play this game ultimately lose.
The cool people may lose an opportunity to enhance their professional lives. The person they have snubbed may have been an important conduit towards success in their career.

You Die When You’re Shy!

You both connect with one another, you’ve returned glances and smiles, but what to do you next? You’re paralyzed with fear. You rationalize that you are feeling this way only because you are “a shy person.” Well, if that’s what you want to believe about yourself, you may as well crawl into a hole and live there.
Life is to be lived. Opportunities are to be taken and people are to be met. If you have ever felt like kicking yourself, even years later, for not making that first move and saying something, you are not alone. To make sure this situation never happens again, re-label yourself and remove the word “shyness” from your vocabulary. You have nothing to be shy (insecure) about anymore.
Of course, you have to have something to say, and in the rest of this chapter you’ll learn what to say to break the ice.

Do It Anyway!

Come on—just smile! Even though you don't feel like it, do it anyway! Nine times out of ten, the other person will smile back.
If you're having trouble kick-starting your smile, simply visualize yourself smiling at them and them returning the smile, accepting you, returning your compliments, and engaging you in conversation. Visualize yourself having them as a potential client, employer, employee, friend, lover, or even mate. Now visualize the reverse. See the situation being a disaster, with them paying no attention to you, giving you dirty looks, and walking away from you. Did you die? No, you survived, with all your parts intact. So what's stopping you? What's the worst that can happen? Let's say that the person rejects you. There is nothing bad that can happen, not even bruised ego, because this is also an exercise in seeing reality—the reality that not everyone will be attracted to you nor will you be attracted to them. After your positive and negative visualizations, enter the situation with a clean slate, erasing from your mind every pre-conceived notion about the person and about yourself. Remember to do the Relaxation Breathing Technique before you make your move. Now go for it! Do it! Smile!

Smile All the While

Stop! Look and smile, and keep looking and smiling! That is the best way to meet someone you are attracted to. If someone looks at you, smile back out of respect. If you are not interested, make it a short, curt smile and then look away. This shows that you have politely acknowledged him or her. If you are attracted to the person, no matter who looked at whom first, simply smile a little longer and say hello. If they return your hello, you have a golden opportunity to start talking and to make a new friend. I have met so many people this way, especially in airports, and many of them have turned out to be some of my closest and dearest friends.
Granted, at first it may be very uncomfortable for you to make this behavior part of your life. But with practice it will become a habit, and a pleasant one at that.

Ending the “I Think That You Think That I Think” Game Forever!

For the most part, who cares what people think about you? Even if they don't like you, before even meeting you, they won't have laser beams coming out of their eyes to burn you. Usually, what a stranger thinks about you is irrelevant and none of your business. As long as you like you and feel secure with yourself, that's what counts.
So stop making yourself nuts playing the “I think, you think, I think” game. The truth is that they aren't even thinking about you or anything else. They may have a sourpuss expression on their faces because they are hungry or their tummy hurts.
If your mind starts to play the “I think, they think” game, stop yourself immediately using the “cancel that thought” technique. Only instead of doing this technique by speaking out loud, think it silently to yourself.

The Real Secret of Talking to Anyone

You can read a million self-help books on how to have a great conversation. In fact, I know of about five books on the market with similar titles about how to speak to anyone about anything. Television interviewer Barbara Walters released one of these books in the '70s; more recently, talk-show host Larry King had one published.
You can sum up this entire topic up in just four words: Be interested—not interesting! Listen and ask sincere questions, and you'll be surprised at how many successful business liaisons you will
develop and how many friends you will make. No matter how you deny it, everyone—you, me, and everyone else in the world—loves to talk about their favorite and most interesting topic—themselves! When you stimulate that topic, they like it, and in turn they like you!