Don’t Like the Answer? Then Don’t Ask the Question.

Too many people bait you by trying to get you to commit to an answer or get your opinion even though you may be reluctant to give it. Then, if they don’t like what they hear, they will take it out on you or on themselves. Often they can never forgive you. In order to avoid giving them an answer they may not want to hear and to circumvent the dilemma of being damned if you speak and damned if you don’t speak, be diplomatic. If you sense that they will hold a grudge against you for life, think carefully about answering them. It may seem like the cowardly thing to do, but it is your judgment call. Trust your instincts. Another tactic is to change the subject or excuse yourself from the room for a moment (go to the bathroom, for instance). This might buy enough time that they will forget and go on to another topic. If they persist, tell them that you feel uncomfortable and don’t want them to hate you if they don’t like the answer they are about to hear. If you are the recipient of the news, take full responsibility for asking the question, and most importantly,
“don’t kill the messenger.”

Respect Should Be Your Mantra

We throw the word “respect” around like a Frisbee, but nobody pays much attention to what it really means.
When you respect, you appreciate, cherish, honor, and admire.
In essence, you look up to the person. That doesn’t mean that you look down at yourself and hold him in higher esteem. Instead, it means that you honor who he is. With “respect” comes the complete consciousness and awareness of the other person. You need to always be aware of his time. That means when he says he has to go, let him go. Don’t keep him.
When people say they’re going to accomplish something no matter how large or small the project is, respect them enough to assume that they will accomplish what they said they would accomplish. Don’t give any reasons why it can’t be done. Don’t even think about negating or diluting what they said.

Mind Your Own Business!

Don’t impose; don’t get too detailed. Read their body, face, and verbal cues. Don’t ignorantly and unconsciously keep asking questions. Let them volunteer. Don’t invade their privacy or personal space. If you pay close enough attention, you’ll know when you have done so. If you have, back off immediately!
Don’t offer advice unless you are asked. This is a sure-fire way to alienate people, especially if they don’t like your advice. You will feel bad that they didn’t heed it. And they in turn will feel bad that you are judging them, when in reality you were only trying to help them.
Minding your own business means keeping confidences. Even though we all love the dirt, it’s ugly when someone tells you something that is her personal business. Therefore, mind your

Enough About You Already!

Constant talking about yourself angers people who are forced to listen to you. They might react by becoming short-tempered with you or by making fun of you. You might, however, be so self-consumed that you won’t hear them anyway, or don’t care even if you do care. Eventually, in addition to avoiding talking to you, they will use you as the brunt of jokes with their friends. The bottom line is, share the stage! Don’t hog the conversation!

Let Them Speak Their Piece

If you really want to aggravate people, just keep interrupting them when they are trying to make a point. People who interrupt are considered to be extremely annoying as well as toxic.
To curb your tendency to interrupt someone constantly, do the following:
1. Take the tip of your tongue and stick it between your two front teeth.
2. Bite down hard on your tongue (not so hard that you bite off your tongue or make it bleed).
3. Stick your tongue back in your mouth.
The stinging and lasting pain you experience from having bitten your tongue will serve as reminder to keep your tongue in your mouth and let the other person speak.

Terms of Endearment

A verbal pat on the back is only a few vertebrae away from a verbal kick in the pants. When you want to maintain good relationships with people who you like, always incorporate terms of endearment. “Please,” “would you mind,” “I like [or “love,” if appropriate] it when you __” are musts, no matter how familiar you are with the person.
“Honey,” “sweetie,” “baby,” “dear,” “love,” and “darling” are great terms to use when you have just been in verbal battle with a loved one. These terms often reassure the person that no matter how angry you both got at one another, you still feel tremendous affection towards her. On the other hand, the consequences of speaking these words to the wrong person in the wrong context can be disastrous. They can land you in front of a judge in a sexual harassment suit or get you fired, not to mention generating a lot of unnecessary hard feelings.
Southerners and older people who see nothing wrong with calling someone they like “darlin” have to be extra careful, since their use of terms of endearment are a way of life.
The moral of this story is to be always mindful of whom you are going to verbally endear.

Pay Attention to Trigger Words and Phrases.

Sometimes, things are going along fine, and then all of a sudden you hear a word or a phrase that sets you off, starting a full-scale war. These words and phrases can cause long-buried negative emotions to resurface.
The following list gives some phrases you should never use. They are destined to trigger a negative response and put someone on the defensive. When a sentence or conversation begins with any of these phrases, the person has automatically tuned you out, is ready to attack, or is ready to verbally defend himself.

1. You should have ___
2. You never ___
3. Why don't you ever ___
4. Why didn't you ___
5. You'd better ___
6. I don't believe you.
7. That's not true.
8. Don't you ever ___
9. How could you ever ___
10. You make me ___

Instead, you might want to substitute the phrases listed here with the following phrases, which are destined to get the person to hear you and perhaps do what you want them to do:

1. Perhaps you could ___
2. I'd appreciate it if you would ___
3. It would be in your best interest if you would ___
4. Have you looked at it from this point of view?
5. I don't mean to contradict you, but have you also considered ___?
6. Perhaps we could both ___
7. May I suggest ___?
8. I would prefer _____
9. It hurts my feelings when you don't ___
10. Do you think it would be a good idea if ___?
11. I would never criticize you, but don't you think that perhaps__?

Monitor Your Mouth

Just as it is essential to know when to speak up, it is equally important to know when to keep quiet. You can do this by observing your opponents clearly.
If you stop, look at them, and really listen and empathize with them, you will be surprised at how much less frequently you will say the wrong thing. You will become more conscious of your words. If you stop and suck in air for a moment before you speak, you will never make a faux pas. Mistakes like these are usually made when you are not thinking about whom you are speaking to and what you intend to say.

Speak Up Immediately!

No festering allowed! No shoving what they said, and your emotional reactions to it, under the table! No more keeping things in. Speak out immediately. The best phrase for you to use when you are miffed by what someone had just said is, “Excuse me, what did you mean by that? Explain what you mean.”
If you heard right the first time, and they said what you thought they said, take immediate issue. What happens when it’s 2 A.M., and your thinking about a perceived negative comment keeps you up? Call the person first thing in the morning when she gets into work, and deal with it then. Otherwise, if it’s a reasonable time in the day, call her as soon as the comment starts to bother you.