Open Your Heart!a

When we are angry or upset, our body, especially our hearts, react much differently than when we have good and positive feelings about a person.
Here is a technique that can help you open your heart, even toward a verbal adversary. Try to imagine that person as a sweet and innocent baby. Try to find one good point about him and focus on that thought. If you can't find at least one good thing about him, you haven't looked hard enough.
Opening up your heart towards the adversary may often result in diffusing his hostility and anger. Don't hesitate to make the first move—whether you smile at him, put out your hand for a friendly handshake, or make a kind remark. If the situation is befitting, you can even offer a short and warm “hello” kiss. You'll get a lot of satisfaction from taking him off-guard.
Your loving and heartfelt gestures often diffuse others' anger and hostility towards you. So don't be surprised if you see a 180-degree turn in their behavior. Watch them metamorphose from mean to nice in less than 10 seconds.
Congratulations, you have just won the first battle in the verbal war!

Open Your Mind!

To gain the winning advantage over your verbally vicious opponent, you need to deflate all prejudices or preconceived notions you have about him or her. Begin each interaction with a fresh new outlook.
This might seem a Herculean task, and indeed it does require a lot of practice and inner harmony to accomplish. I'm not telling you to forget about how awful they can be. I am not telling you not to be on guard. What I am telling you is to follow the same approach used by martial artists. When they face their opponents, they show no fear or anger towards their opponents and clear their minds of any previous feelings toward them.
A closed mind begets closed life. An open mind, on the other hand, results in an open and exciting life filled with the excited anticipation of what is going to happen next. An open, non-prejudiced mind allows you to deal with any situation or person that may come your way because you are free of preconceived notions. You are ready for any surprise!

Thoughts in Your Head

You are what you think! It doesn't matter what others think. It only matters what you think about you. It's as simple as the fact that if you think good thoughts, more good will happen to you, while if you think bad thoughts, more bad will come to you. If you really believe you can do something, most likely you will do it.
If you really want to work to replace the ideas that you are a failure in life and that you are limited in how far you can go, try meditation and affirmation tapes by Guru Ji Pillai, Ph.D. The tapes teach you how to think “vertically”—to think about infinite possibilities in your life. This is in contrast to horizontal thinking—going along with the status quo and being stuck in a rut. Guru Ji says that only by expanding your thoughts and your awareness can you manifest your goals and life dreams. His philosophies and concepts are so effective that popular author Dr. Wayne Dyer has incorporated Guru Ji's unique technique in his best-selling book Manifest Your Destiny.

The Power of the Word—What a Surprise!

Whether you believe in metaphysics or precognitions, in my personal research of tragic stories, I've observed that when people utter negative expectations, these usually come to pass. This is called the “self-fulfilling prophecy.” If you don't think that you can do something, chances are that you can't or that you won't do it well.
Even if you are feeling a little insecure because you have never done something before, keep telling yourself that you can do it: you'll be surprised at what happens. Many successful athletes and Olympic winners with whom I've worked use this technique. So did the little train in the ever-popular children's story. The little train “thought he could,” and by golly, he did get up that steep railroad track!

Talk Nice to You and Others Will Too

Never be a verbal abuser to the person you need to care for the most—YOU! When you say negative things to yourself, you are unconsciously chipping away at your self-worth, which obviously diminishes your selfesteem. You might think that you are being humble by cutting yourself down or being self-deprecating, but you are not.
Instead you are exhibiting a weakness—a “one-downsmanship” that your verbally hostile opponent can latch onto. In essence, you are giving your opponent more verbal ammunition to use against you. It may feel okay or painless when you make a cutting remark about yourself. When that cutting remark comes out of the mouths of other people, however, suddenly there is a painful sting to their zing! They might even add more verbal poison to the cutting remarks you already made about yourself. They may embellish what you said, thereby making their cut even deeper and more excruciating by hitting one of your most vulnerable emotional spots. Imagine.
The moral of this lesson is this: Don't add to the arsenal of your verbal enemy—don't say bad things to yourself.

Don’t Like Something About Yourself? Change It!

If you happen to dislike something about yourself, with all the choices available to you these days, you can definitely improve or change it. You might protest, “this is the body or face I was given, so why change it?” In a sense, of course, you are absolutely right! Why change what was given to you naturally? On the other hand, if you’re self-conscious
about some aspect of yourself such as your nose or body, improving it can change your entire outlook about yourself.
Psychotherapists exist to help you improve your personality, while plastic surgeons, skin specialists, speech and voice coaches, hairdressers, dentists, orthodontists, clothing and makeup consultants, and weight-loss specialists can help you become the best you can be. There are no more excuses! You can be all that you want to be—if you want to be all that you are!
When you really like yourself, are willing to accept everything about yourself, and are working to improve the things you don’t like, you become more secure within yourself. As a result you become more powerful. Your power and radiance can be blinding to your verbal adversaries, who might just back off.

You Gotta Like You!

It’s not enough to know yourself. You must like yourself as well. If you like and respect you, others usually follow suit. They wouldn’t dream of treating you any way you wouldn’t treat yourself.
When you like you, you don’t let people walk over you, abuse you, or say horrible things to you. You know how you fit into the world. You come from a position of self-respect and in turn demand that respect from others. If you are being treated poorly and consistently spoken to in an abusive manner in your relationship, you are treating yourself poorly by staying in that relationship. The first step to changing this situation is to like yourself enough to get out! Get out immediately! The book Toxic People—10 Ways of Dealing with People Who Make Your Life Miserable, gives you all the steps you need to unplug from this extremely toxic situation.

“Who Are You?” Quiz

In the back of every issue of Vanity Fair magazine is a page on which a celebrity is asked provocative questions. If you cover up the celebrity's answer and substitute your own, you will be surprised by the things you can discover about yourself—things that never entered your mind before. In the following list, you will find a series of questions ranging from easy to some requiring considerable thought. Answer with the first thing that comes into your mind. Enjoy! “Who Are You?” Quiz
1. Favorite color ___
2. Favorite type of music ___
3. Favorite type of film ___
4. Favorite animal ______
5. Three adjectives describing it ______
6. Favorite smell _____
7. Favorite food ______
8. I like to drink ______
9. My favorite sport is _____
10. My favorite city is _____
11. My favorite books are _____
12. I usually read ______
13. My favorite TV show is ___
14. My favorite actor is _____
15. My favorite actress is ___
16. Favorite season ___
17. Favorite time of the day ___
18. If there was a disaster I would grab ___
19. Favorite male ___
20. Favorite female ______
21. Three things I love to do ______
22. The happiest time of my life ________
23. The worst time of my life ________
24. Three things I would like on a desert island _____
25. Three people I would like on a desert island ________
26. The woman I admire the most ________
27. The man I admire the most ________
28. Three women I admire ________
29. Why ________
30. Three men I admire ________
31. Why ________
32. When I was a child I admired _____
33. Who is my mother ________
34. Who is my father ________
35. People who make me miserable ___
36. Why ________
37. When I was younger _____
38. When I get older ________
39. When I get angry, I ________
40. What upsets me the most is _____
41. I regret ________
42. I never regret ________
43. I am so happy I ________
44. Beautiful women make me feel _____
45. Powerful men make me feel ______
46. Powerful women make me feel ______
47. Handsome men make me feel ________
48. What makes me cry is _____
49. What makes me laugh is _____
50. My biggest fantasy would be ________
51. Whenever I'm nervous, I _____
52. When I look in the mirror I ________
53. The three qualities I look for in a friend are _____
54. The three traits that turn me off in people are _____
55. I could vomit if _____
56. When I get angry, I _____
57. When I get nervous, I _____
58. A perfect mate would ________
59. A perfect life would be ________
60. My three best traits are _____
61. My three worst traits are ________
62. I love _____
63. I hate ________
64. My childhood was _____
65. As an adult I ________
66. I'd never change ________
67. I'd love to change ________
68. I see myself as ________
69. Others see me as ________
70. Next week I want to ________
71. Next month I want to ________
72. Next year I want to ________
73. In the next 5 years, I want to _____
74. If I were President, I would _____
75. If I had three wishes, they would be _____

There are no right or wrong answers. Your responses merely make up a profile of who you are. How many questions did you have to ponder before you could answer them? How many questions were easy to answer?
Examining your answers gives you an even greater opportunity to look inside yourself and even make changes in how you see yourself and live your life. This survey is also excellent to do several times a year, so that you can chart your personal development.
It might also be a good idea to have loved ones fill out the same questionnaire; then you all can share your results. This can bond you closer to the ones you love.

Who in the World Are You?

When you know yourself, you know the world around you and how you fit in. You know what you will and won’t tolerate. You will know who and what is good for you and who or what isn’t.
Many insecurities come about because we don’t really know ourselves, and as a result we aren’t sure about ourselves. We know more about others than we know about ourselves. You probably can rattle off your mate’s favorite color, food, and turn-ons and turn-offs. If I asked you these same questions about yourself, however, you probably could not answer as quickly, and would most likely have to stop and think for a while.
Why? Because you have never taken the time to really think about your likes and dislikes. Unless you have spent several years in psychoanalysis, you have not closely examined yourself. You haven’t invested much time into thinking about all of the parts of you that make you who you are. Now it’s time for you to learn as much as you can about the number one person in your life—YOU! It’s your chance to become introspective and find out all you ever wanted to know but didn’t think to ask about yourself.

Spit It Out Already!

According to my Gallup poll, many people were also annoyed by someone who spoke too slowly. You may do this while you are thinking, thus ignoring the person you are speaking to. If you have a boring, monotonous voice, you might tend to exaggerate your vowels. In order to stop this, be mindful each time you speak. As you sip in air before you begin to speak, think of spending only one second on each vowel. This way, you speed up and talk at a rate at which people find it pleasurable to listen to you.
It is also important, especially if you are in a situation where you are expected to do some public speaking, to avoid saying the following words: “like,” “um,” and “uh.” So be mindful of your filler words. Silence is better than making someone listen to these motor-like sounds. Flowing your sounds together and coordinating your breathing with your talking (as mentioned earlier) can help.
Spending one second on each vowel, as well as consciously stopping yourself whenever you want to “um” and “uh,” can also help you to modify this negative behavior. Hearing silence is better than hearing your annoying sounds.