Hand-Holding Fighting Strategy

This strategy, which I personally devised for my clients, is one of the best techniques to be used in relationship therapy. It's obvious that the couple loves one another, but they keep fighting and bickering over stupid and ridiculous things. They end up saying mean and ugly things to one another that devastate both of them. As you learned earlier in the blog, words stick—especially ugly words! So, I tell the couple, as difficult as it may seem, as soon as they start this stupid bickering, one has to immediately grab the other's hand and hold it and continue to bicker.
They usually start laughing and stop fighting, becoming softer and more affectionate with one another. As they continue to hold hands, each one often starts to communicate his or her side of the issue in a calm and loving manner, so that each mate is able to really hear what the other has to say.
It's a very powerful tool for effective communication between couples as well as friends.
By the way, the one who takes the other's hand first is the one who has the control over the situation.

Let the Baby Have Her Bottle Strategy

Speaking of babies, remember when you were a child and another child would cry or get upset when you played with his her toy? Oftentimes, to save face and rationalize your little feelings (which were actually big feelings at the time), you retorted with “Okay, let the baby have her bottle.” The little perpetrator was usually taken aback by your comment. She didn't want to be referred to by that evil four-letter word, B-A-B-Y, so she often relinquished the toy to you or shared it with you. Little has changed since your youth. Oftentimes, when you yield to your verbal opponent, she becomes powerless and you gain back the control.
If you counter what the verbal abuser says by agreeing with her, she has nowhere to go. She is taken offbalance and loses her verbal footing. She has no idea where you are coming from and no idea of what to say next. Obviously, she can't fight with herself, so she is silent. This quashes her verbal venom.

Hush Hush Strategy.

This technique is similar to the preceding one, except that you substitute the term “hush hush” for the person's name. It's virtually the same technique that you would use with a crying baby in softly telling her to hush as you hold her. Your steady calming tone as the air produces the “hush” sound elicits calmness.
This is an excellent technique to use when a person won't shut up. If you keep repeating “hush hush” in a calm and steady voice, on a continuous basis, he or she will eventually stop yelling and carrying on. In essence, these people are like big babies who need their mommy or daddy to comfort them.