Elaborate—Don’t Interrogate!

In the Elaboration Technique, you ask the person who, what, when, where, and why—questions. Use techniques developed by journalists. Remember to ask your question and then elaborate on the person’s answer by asking another question related to their last answer.
This is a wonderful technique that helps you uncover things you both might share in common. If their answers are curt, if they seem annoyed, bored, or disinterested, ask another question, or cut the conversation short, it’s a hint that they may no longer wish to speak with you. So leave!
Remember to maintain eye-to-eye contact at all times. It gives you a better opportunity to observe a person and react to what you see. In doing so, you will make the person feel important and make yourself aware of their facial and body cues. These invaluable messages will also let you know, in a non-verbal way, that they wish you’d leave, or that they couldn’t bear it if you left. The example in the “Talk Back!” section on the next page clearly illustrates how a compliment about a dress initiates the topic of travel, which results in the two people realizing they have something in common, which is further elaborated on to find another commonalty, and so on and so on.
Studies have shown that the more you have in common with someone, the more likely you are to begin a relationship. Thus, the Elaboration Technique is just the tool you need to discover potential friends.

Ask, Ask, and Keep Asking!

The first rule is to ask questions, but not invasive ones. What I am actually saying is to think before you speak so that you don't put your foot in your mouth and embarrass or insult everyone, including yourself. Instead, try to find some common ground as you continue to ask questions and relate to the person.

Maintaining a Confident Conversation

So many people become mute after they say “hello.” They have succeeded in getting the person to acknowledge them and to make that first contact. Now they freeze, go blank, and stand there like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do or say and mumbling about something stupid.
If this scenario sounds all too familiar and you’ve been there/done that, help is on the way! The reason you acted like a vegetable is that you began to focus on yourself instead of paying attention to the other person. You were more concerned about things working out right and about being interesting, witty, and clever than you were about what the other person was all about. In essence, you were not interested. You may try to contradict me here by saying “of course I am interested, or I wouldn’t have approached them in the first place.” True, you were interested, but you were interested in you making a good impression. If you shifted your attention away from yourself, you would never have felt so awkward and out of place.