Stop, Look, and Listen—Sizing Up Your Opponent.

How many nights have you stayed awake tossing and turning because of an awful, searing comment someone made to you? As you toss and turn, unable to find a comfortable position, you feel like kicking yourself for not saying this or that in retort to the venomous statement. The more you replay the toxic scenario in your mind, the harder you feel like kicking yourself for not following your “gut” instincts about the person. If it makes you feel any better, this scenario has happened to just about everyone over the age of 10. The reason why you didn’t “go with your gut” and act accordingly is because you didn’t take the time to stop, look, and listen. This basic rule of caution for crossing the street is also the basic rule of caution for verbal self-defense. First, stop in your tracks and assess the situation so that you don’t blindly walk into oncoming traffic. Second, look for any oncoming vehicles. Third, listen for any oncoming vehicles that may sneak up on you, maiming or hurting you.
Follow this same procedure with everyone you encounter. First, stop in your tracks and assess the situation so that you don’t step blindly into oncoming verbal traffic. Then look at the entire person. For instance, observe her body language, the distance she is standing away from you, her facial expression, and shoulder, arm, and hand posture and movement. Now you are ready to open your ears and objectively listen to what she says and how she says it to you. This loudly and clearly announces any oncoming verbal assassins who may try to sneak up on you, emotionally maiming you.