Unacceptable things

This is the best phrase to use when someone is trespassing your verbal limits. Say it in a firm, projected tone so that you will be heard! Do not laugh when you say it! Do not smile or have a “matter of fact” expression on your face! Do not giggle! Do not use a high pitched voice! Don’t say it as a question, sounding tentative as you go up at the end of the word “unacceptable.” Do not pepper this phrase with filler words such as “like,” “um,” and “you know!” Finally, do not mumble. Draw out your vowels when you speak these three words.
In continuing to let someone know that he has over-stepped his bounds, you can then go on to explain what it was that you didn’t like about what he said to you. Try not to get out of control, screaming and yelling. Instead, talk calmly, yet firmly, so that there is no question that you meant what you said and said what you meant.
Never deviate from what you said!
Therefore, you need to watch out for verbally toxic behavior that someone may once again repeat.

Verbally Setting Firm Limits

Frequently, those who become victims of verbal crime are in the situation they are in because they don’t set strict verbal limits with the verbal perpetrator. If they do set limits about how a person can talk to them, they often won’t enforce those requirements. As a result, the verbal perpetrator loses respect and doesn’t take what the person says seriously.
One of the biggest miscommunications occurs when a verbal victim cries out, “I told him time after time not to say what he says to me and cut me down, but he keeps saying it anyway.” When you first hear a victim report this, you feel like punching the verbal perpetrator in the nose. However, upon closer examination you find out that although the victim really did tell him to stop bringing up that sensitive topic and stop putting her down, she neglected to report that she made this request while giggling and laughing, using a coquettish girlie tone.
In no way was the message conveyed to “Cease and desist! Immediately!” At times (like when she began to cry), he would get the message, but then he would retreat to his old ways. He never took her seriously. In fact, upon questioning him about her tears in regard to his verbal abuse he sloughed it off by saying, “It was probably her PMS kicking in.”
Granted he sounds like a jerk, and granted it is not appropriate to blame the victim. But in this case we see how, if she doesn’t adamantly stand up for herself so that he truly hears her, thereby causing him to show some verbal respect for her, the effect is that she will continue to suffer hearing his verbal abuse.
She needs to speak up—not giggle and laugh—but really speak up in a manner that will perk up his ears once and for all and cause him to change his obnoxious behavior. Most important of all, she needs to be consistent if he falters and attempts to revert to his old ways.
The tone and words you choose definitely let the person know that you mean business. It lets him know that he can never again say what he just said to you.

Don’t Just Stand There—Do Something!

Whatever you decide to do, do something. Even if you choose to simply walk away, don’t ignore how the verbal abuser’s words made you feel. Unless you are a zombie or an alien from another planet, you have feelings that will emerge following this psychologically traumatic event, although you might not realize it at first as you slough off what happened.
Later on, you might develop a type of post-traumatic verbal shock syndrome. If you don’t deal with your feelings immediately, you will have to deal with the emotional consequences later. So talk about what happened to you—what awful things someone said to you and how he or she said it. Tell all your friends, your family, your clergy, and your therapist. These people will support you.