- Stand Up Straight, Without a Leg Up!Stand up straight with your feet spread apart, parallel to your shoulders. Place both feet firmly on the ground so that your weight is distributed evenly on all parts of your feet. This takes pressure off your toes and the sides and balls of your feet. In essence, you are firmly standing on the soles of your feet. Don't shift your weight from leg to leg or shift your weight to only one leg. This throws you off and makes you feel insecure. You want a “leg up” on your verbally toxic opponent, but don't take this statement literally.Unless you're flamingo living in Miami, never stand on one leg. You'd be surprised at how many public speakers do this when they are behind a podium. They put their weight on one leg while holding onto the podium—and they wonder why they don't feel as confident when they are speaking in front of an audience!
- Bottoms Up! Tighten the muscles in your buttocks (your gluteus maximus muscles) by contracting or squeezing your muscles, thus applying pressure to your buttocks. At first this might feel awkward, but eventually you will become used to it and over time, you will begin to feel comfortable. As you exercise and strengthen these muscles, you will have a solid foundation on which to support your erect spine and newfound confident posture.
- Straighten Up and Back Up! Next, start at the base of your spine and visualize yourself straightening each vertebrae so that you have a straight and aligned spine. As you visualize your new correct spinal posture, slightly tighten the small muscles going from your lower back towards your upper back. When doing so, you will notice that there is a forward shifting of your upper back that will begin from the middle of your back, around your waist area. This toomight seem awkward at first, but as you practice this spinal position, you will feel less pressure in the muscles in your upper and lower back region because your spine will be in better alignment.
- Heads Up! Part of attaining a confident posture requires the correct positioning of the head and neck. Pretend that there is a cord or rope softly pulling up the crown of your head. This will automatically allow your eyes to be positioned properly as you gaze at another person at “eye level.” It prevents you from protruding your jaw or sticking your neck out. Most of all, it keeps you from bowing your head or from looking down when speaking to someone.
Because your posture is one of the first things people notice about you, you obviously need to stand up straight. Many people think they are standing up straight when in fact they aren't; you might have noticed your own poor posture when analyzing yourself in the mirror or on videotape. This problem is most common with people who are taller than average. They usually stoop to be at eye level with their shorter counterparts.
If people do this during their formative years of height development, hunching their backs, stooping their shoulders, and bowing their heads can become their normal stance. This stance elicits less confidence in others than standing with shoulders squared, back erect, and head up.
You must follow several steps if you wish to have a posture that exudes confidence and a “don't mess with me” attitude. By adhering to the following steps, you are well on your way towards looking more powerful when you are standing in front of someone.
1. Do you repeat yourself?
2. Do you repeat words?
3. Do you often find that you can't think of words?
4. Do you say one thing and mean another?
5. Is it hard to express what you think?
6. Do you often keep your mouth shut for fear of sounding stupid?
7. Do you often say “I don't know” when asked questions?
8. Is your vocabulary limited and do you not understand the meanings of words?
9. Do you often use words in the wrong context?
10. Do you use improper grammar?
11. Do you always seem to forget what you were going to say?
12. Do you often interrupt others, not allowing them to finish a thought?
13. Do you change the topic midstream?
14. Do you often ignore a question, dismissing the topic someone else brings up?
15. Do you often say self-deprecating things to others?
16. Are you usually saying something negative, especially about others?
17. Do you often put your foot in your mouth?
18. Do you joke around, never serious, or make sarcastic comments?
19. Are you blunt and undiplomatic?
20. Do you usually give one-word responses instead of opening up?
21. Are you overly opinionated—“my way or the highway”?
1. Is your voice loud and booming?
2. Is your voice too soft, prompting people to ask you to speak up?
3. Does your voice fade out at the end of sentences?
4. Do you have bursts of loudness, especially at the beginning of a sentence?
5. Do you have a loud and disturbing laugh?
6. Do you raise your voice at the slightest provocation or when you disagree?
It's Quality We're After!
1. Does your voice sound breathy?
2. Does your voice sound harsh?
3. Do you attack your sounds when you speak?
4. Do you have a staccato, clipped, machine-gun like pattern when you speak?
5. Do you dislike the sound of your voice?
6. Does your voice sound creaky or crackling, often at the end of sentences?
7. Do you clear your throat before you speak?
8. Is your voice rough and gravely?
9. Does your voice often sound hoarse?
- Is your voice too high?
- Is your voice too low?
- Do you sound bored or monotonous?
- Is your speech overly animated or highly dramatic?
- Are people usually bored or lulled to sleep when you speak?
- Do you have a squeaky voice?
Research has shown that the way you speak is even more important than the way you look. In fact, the way you speak can affect how you look. Perhaps you have experienced this firsthand. At least once, you have probably seen someone who you found attractive, then, after speaking with that person, suddenly decided that he or she wasn't as attractive as you originally thought. Conversely, as research shows, if a person isn't very attractive but speaks well, that person is perceived as being more attractive.
The way you speak is composed of the pitch of your voice, the quality of your sound, the way you pronounce things, whether you sound too soft or too loud, how fast you speak, how nasal or non-nasal you are, and how you communicate. If you answer “yes” in any of the questions in the following categories, you should know that people are usually not perceiving you in the best light. Just know,
Believe it or not, the way you breathe can annoy others. If you don't coordinate your breathing with your talking in an appropriate manner, it may disturb and distract the listener.
1. Do you sound breathy when you speak?
2. Are you out of breath after you speak?
3. Do you take in many little breaths when you speak?
4. Do you sigh, or let out all your air before you speak?
5. Do you sigh, taking in air and abruptly pushing it out when you speak?
If you don’t observe these behaviors in the mirror or on your video, try to recall if you exhibit any of these actions:
- Do you usually speak jutting your jaw forward, creating an angry look?
- Do you move your mouth from side to side when you speak?
- Do you avoid looking at people when you speak to them?
- Are your lips tense or do you have a strained, pinched smile?
- Do you have a mask-like smile?
- Do you curl your upper lip when you speak?
- Do you hang your mouth open or even drool when listening?
- Do you spray saliva when speaking?
- Is there spittle on the corners of your mouth when you speak?
- Do you clench your jaw when you speak or speak through your teeth, barely opening you mouth?
- Do you often bite your lips or cheeks?
- Do you exaggerate your mouth movements when you speak, giving the perception that you have a big mouth?
- Do you purse your lips together before or after you make a statement?
- Do you smack your lips before or after you speak?
For centuries people have said, “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” Therefore, people can tell a lot about how to deal with you by observing what you do with your eyes.
- Do you often squint when you speak—furrowing your forehead or knitting your eyebrows together?
- Do you often open your eyes widely when you speak?
- Do you look off to the side when speaking?
- Do your eyes dart around the room when speaking?
- Do you look people up and down when you talk to them?
- Are your eyes dull and lifeless?
- Do you stare?
- Do you blink too much?
Often your facial expressions reflect your feelings more than the words you use. Even though our six basic emotions—happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, surprise, and fear—are reflected through the face, sometimes we may make inappropriate facial gestures, which confuse the listener and detract from the message we are trying to relay.
An exaggerated facial expression can change your facial appearance from attractive to ugly. For example, one noted singer looks very attractive when she sings. When she speaks, however, it is a different story. It is rather disconcerting. Her mouth goes from side to side in a camel-like fashion. In addition to her rapid-fire, hostile sounding speech pattern, she squints her eyes and furrows her brow, which is perceived as anger and disgust.
This particular woman is interested in making the transition from singing to acting. But she has a lot of work to do in terms of controlling and modifying her inappropriate and unaesthetic facial expressions before she hits the big screen (or the little screen, for that matter). When you wear an incongruous facial expression, people get angry or turned off with you and perceive you as being “weird” or “disconnected” or “not with it.” They may also misinterpret your message, as in the case of this successful singer.
As you observe yourself in the mirror or on videotape, answer these questions while paying attention to your facial expressions:
- Do you mainly seem to have a dull or bored expression when you speak?
- Do you look angry when you speak, even though you aren’t?
- Do you look sad when you speak, even when you are talking about pleasant things?
- Is your normal facial expression tense with your muscles showing when you speak?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, help is on the way. Since the eyes and mouth are key elements of your facial language, go back and answer the questions “yes” or “no” as they pertain to your eyes and mouth.
