Through the Looking Glass

The best way to practice the Imaginary Conversation Strategy is while you are looking into a mirror. That way, as you talk to yourself, you will be more conscious of your facial expressions, posture, voice, and how other people see you. You might want to put a tape recorder near you as you rehearse the various scenarios while looking in the mirror. It can serve as a barometer to let you know how you come across vocally during certain levels of anger or excitement.
The very best time to practice is in the morning when you are already looking in the mirror to either shave or put on your makeup. Why not take a few extra moments to practice your strategy? You can even do it in your car when you are alone, perhaps while driving to and from work.

Imaginary Conversation Strategy

You need to practice what you are going to say to your verbal adversary. You need to imagine yourself talking to him, playing out every possible scenario in your mind. Then, when it comes time for you to face the real situation, it will be a piece of cake for you. You will have already rehearsed what to say in every possible outcome so that you are no longer nervous when you have to have a face-off on the verbal battleground.
As you talk to yourself, imagine asking out the guy or girl you like.
Imagine them saying “yes.” Then imagine them saying “no.” Finally, imagine them saying “maybe.” Practice what you would say in each of these possible outcomes.
Now, in your mind, ask your boss for a raise. Picture yourself sitting down in the chair in front of his desk. See yourself sitting with the confident sitting posture you learned about in previous chapters. See yourself looking directly at his face as you say, “Mr Brown, I have been with the company for over four years and have brought in thousands of dollars of new business every month. This is why I feel comfortable talking with you about the possibility of raising my salary.”
See yourself, hear yourself, feel yourself going over and over the scenario. Going over it while picturing yourself gives you confidence. Do it over again and again, until you are devoid of stammering and mumbling.
Bear down on exactly what you want to say until it is committed to memory. Practice until saying what you want to say becomes second nature to you. Now again, visualize your reaction if the boss says “yes,” then your reaction and response if he says “no” or “maybe.” By the time you have to actually sit down in front of your boss and ask him for a raise, you will be 150 percent prepared.
Use this strategy to practice telling someone off or confronting someone who has betrayed you. After examining every possible scenario in your mind, you will know exactly what to say and how to say it to your verbal adversary.

Verbally Pumping Up

Just as the boxer, wrestler, and karate champion have to do a standard workout before they get into the arena to defend themselves against their opponents, you have to do the same.
They have a daily physical exercise regimen that requires exercises to stretch and build up the muscles in their upper and lower body. They do this every day to make themselves stronger, more limber, and more confident in their physical abilities.
Similarly, you need to have a daily verbal exercise regimen that prepares you for any verbally venomous opponent you will encounter. You need to work out the physical, verbal, and communication skills. Doing exercises for posture, breathing, voice, jaw, nasality, pronunciation, and communication skills will help you become more verbally limber and more confident in your communication abilities.

A Verbal Weakling No More!

Remember the cartoon where the big buffed-up bully kicks sand in the face of the 90-pound weakling? Then the little guy works out and pumps up. Now he’s the one who kicks the sand kicker’s behind as he’s bigger and nger after a regimen of weight training and diet.
You are in the same position as the little guy. You are going to be trained and fed with the proper verbal utrients—the right words to say to any adversary in any circumstance. This in turn will allow you to pump yurself up and kick some verbal butt!

Entering the Verbal Combat Zone.

You need to be prepared for everything and anything as you learn the art of verbal self-defense. You might not be looking for a fight, an argument, or any problems. For example, you go out to walk your dog, and a perfect stranger walks by and tells you a dead dog story—something you don’t want to hear, especially at 7 A.M. Then you go to the corner to buy a newspaper. As you put out your hand to pay the vendor, someone in line curses you because she says she was there first, even though you know that you were there before she was. Next, you unsuspectingly go to get a cup of cappuccino at an upscale coffee shop on the corner. You are met by a nasty, abrupt, impatient server who looks at you in disgust when you hand him a ten dollar bill and he is forced to make change for you. As you sit down, you see someone sitting alone at the next table. You smile and say good morning, she looks away as though you were invisible.
Your day is filled with meetings, but before it begins your boss is barking out commands devoid of “please” or “thank you,” or, for that matter, any terms of politeness. He shouts only about the few things you did wrong, ignoring the fact that you did everything else right. In fact, you have done things so right that you are still the number one salesperson in the company over the past six months.
As if your day couldn’t get any worse, you finally get to go home and relax, only to discover that you are getting the silent treatment from your spouse for something you must have done. No kiss, no hug, nothing.
Perplexed, you ask “what’s wrong,” only to hear “nothing’s wrong!”
Could things possibly get any worse?
Guess what? You have just entered the verbal combat zone! But there is good news—you need not be a victim anymore! Help has finally arrived! The pages to come will show you how to effectively strategize to defend yourself against these foes. You will never be a verbal victim again.

Never Say You’ll Call If You Don’t Mean It!

I can’t begin to tell you the number of people whom I have seen with broken hearts, people who have literally waited by the phone for that expected call and never received it. Even if they had a phone answering machine, they sacrificed going out somewhere to personally pick up the phone to hear the promiser’s call. So if you don’t intend to call, don’t say you will! If you think that by saying it you’re being polite, you are not! In reality, you are being extremely rude and potentially hurtful! You have even elicited negative feelings in the person whom you promised to call.
In the same vein, don’t say “let’s get together” or agree to get together if you don’t intend to do it. It is usually taken seriously and can elicit negative feelings about you from the people you misled.

Don’t Be a Liar—Follow Up Immediately!

If you said something during the conversation that requires a follow-up, then follow up. Forgetting is no excuse! Write yourself a note and put it in a place where you’ll be sure to see it. Do it! Whether it’s giving someone a business call, placing her in contact with another person, sending him an article, or anything else, act immediately on what you said!